basyb (Original Message) Sent: 4/1/2004 11:28 AM
Salam alikoum wa rahmatou Laahi wa barakatouh,
On the 3rd February 2004, a topic " What Qualities to look for in a Partner for marriage ? " was posted for our community and I was expecting some comments or suggestions from your side guys, but nothing comes!
Rading the previous post "LOOKING FOR ALGERIAN WOMAN IN ATLANTA" I taught It is a must to talk about marriage and its meaning according to Coran and Sunnah.
In order to assess marriage in Islam it seems essential to discuss marriage forms, which existed before Islam. In those days many kinds of different marriages existed, there was no limit on the number of wives that any one man can have. Of the many forms of marriage in pre-Islamic Arabia, only one is sanctioned in the Quran, marriage by contract.
The forbidden forms include:
Cohabitation (Istibdal) or wife lending. Husbands would occasionally permit their wives to cohabit with an important man for unique offspring with the social standing of this man. Temporary marriage (Muta'), which was of limited duration, for a fixed fee, and was practiced by travelers or soldiers while away from home for extended periods. It is, however, still considered a valid form or marriage by the Shiite sect. Secret cohabitation by lovers (Akhdan) was without a contract and for an unspecified time. Marriage by exchange allowed wives or daughters to be exchanged for another man's, without any exchange of dowry. A purchased marriage had a bought bride, with the price paid to her father or guardian. In some cases, tribal Arabs were reluctant to marry their daughters to outsiders and charged large sums in the belief that their daughters might be better taken care of by wealthy men. Marriages by capture which was a permitted in war. Women are either taken as slaves or as wives. Marriage by inheritance contained a widow who was inherited by the heir or heirs of her deceased husband. A Maqt marriage allowed a man to marry his father's widow or divorced. A service marriage existed when a poor man worked for the bride's father before the marriage took place, in order to earn the money for a dowry. Errebu marriage could be arranged by a father who had no sons of his own, as was often done among the Semites. He then adopted the young man, with the intent of marrying him to one of his daughters, with the understanding that the groom would take and carry on the family name. Experimental cohabitation (Sifah) is self-explanatory, and may or may not end in a contract marriage. Concubinage (mainly among the Semites) included as many women as the man could afford. Because polygamy was too costly, childless wives often preferred their men to sleep with slave girls. Marriage in Islam is an act, which follows the order of Allah on this earth, and a system, which is followed by many, God states:
"Glory to Allah (the God), who created in pairs all things that the earth produces as well as their own (human) kind, and (other) things, of which they have no knowledge". (Quran Sura 36, aya 36).
This verse clearly establishes the f act that the whole universe and its various life-systems are created by Allah. The mystery of pairs is the key to the continuous survival of all creation. It runs in man, in animal life, in plant life and in other forms of life of which we have no knowledge. The proton and electron present in the atom, which is the smallest form of matter itself thus, seems to have pairs of opposite energies.
This means that the universe is so adorned by its Creator that every element of it becomes a means of completion and perfection of the others. The low of sex is one of its comprehensive and perfect forms. In other words, everything in this world, for the expression of some of its intrinsic capabilities and generic qualities, is dependent on one other area, and the opposite sex provides this area. This is one kind of relation that is found between the pairs and both equally need the other. There is no question of disgrace or honor.
Marriage is a solemn contractual agreement between an eligible male and an eligible female, concluded in the presence of witnesses, whereby they become acknowledged as husband and wife. A liaison between a marriageable couple without a duly witnessed contract is adulterous.
Marriage alternatives, widely talked about in recent years, and becoming features of the so-called "sex revolution" - cohabitation contract, open marriage, swinging couples, swapping, and a variety of some other unhealthy loose morality- cannot be recognized as legitimate life styles. Sex relations through these arrangements are unethical and illegal from an Islamic point of view (Christianity and Judaism), for that matter, also agrees). They are simply adulterous violations. Marriage implies the exclusive right of each mate of the couple to the sexual favors of the other, and its contract has to conform with well-defined prerequisites, which include a vow made by the marrying couple in front of lawful witnesses.
Thus the marriage contract as conceived of by Muslims is a legal commitment sanctioned by God and acknowledged by society. Since the Islamic faith attaches religious values to all types of human behavior, the marriage contract is both a civil agreement and a religious commitment which should be respected and should endure as far as possible.
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Recommend Message 2 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 11:34 AM
SIGNIFICANCE OF MARRIAGE:
Reproduction in an organized wholesome manner is admittedly the ultimate objective in the institution of marriage. Yet Islam puts great emphasis on the almost equally important function of marriage as a means of providing companionship and measure of fulfilling other fundamental needs.
The Quran, in speaking of this basic function of marriage, draws attention to the divine wisdom in creation making a bisexual species, reproduced through mating between two members of the same species but of different sex. It reads:
"And one of His signs is that He created for you, of your species, spouses that you may repose in them; and He has set between you love and mercy. Verily in this there are signs for a people who reflect." (Quran sura 30, aya 21)
Here mankind is stated to be created as a biocious (bisexual) being reproduced through mating of two genetically similar parties, one to fertilize and the other to conceive.
God (Allah subhanu) could have created mankind as a monoecious (monosexual) being, reproduced naturally without need for mating or in such a way as to reproduce through mating without a member of another species. Yet, God has chosen to create man as a biocious being, reproduced through mating with members of his own species. The Quran states that the purpose of creating man in this biocious pattern is to let each mate provide comfort, companionship and a reeling of true care and concern for the other. Such comfort, companionship and feeling of mutual care and concern could not be afforded in the absence of easy communication. Between two communicating members of humanity, there can be reactions and interactions and cooperation and mutual understanding. These actions, reactions and interactions lead to fulfillment of the mental and psychological needs of the mating couples.
And when they are committed believers, they realize that their love of each other is derived from their commitment and loyalty to obedience to Him. Their mutual love is therefore more durable and heavenly. Even in their act of love they feel a deeper and more enduring joy, resembling their anticipated delight in Paradise when they are closer to their Creator.
Under the Islamic law, it is undesirable for a marriageable person to remain single, even when the intention is to be free to concentrate on prayers and on similar religious ordinances. The monastic attitude has no place in Islam, as declared by the prophet.
Men and women are urged to marry early; and fear of poverty should not be a discouraging factor. The Quran assures that Allah shall provide for them from His unbounded favors.
Careful search for a compatible spouse should make marriage failure an exceptional phenomenon. After all, our adventures in life are hardly free from the elements of risk. The crucial steps of the procedural process of marriage are the selection of a spouse and the marriage contract. According to the Islamic law, the role of the bride in these two steps is essential to the validity of the marriage.
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Recommend Message 3 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 11:40 AM
FUNCTION OF MARRIAGE:
In Islam, marriage is a form of worship of Allah and obedience to his word. Its most important function is that of and acts of piety. The Prophet Mohammed has said: "When a man marries, he has fulfilled half his religion so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."
As a religious duty, marriage becomes obligatory for 0 who are able to fulfill its obligations and responsibilities. Allah created mankind, both sexes, out of one living soul, and told them to marry and have children, and to follow the righteous path, although there are some differences between the different schools of Fiqh. According to Imams Abu Hanifah, Ahmed bin Hanbal and Malik bin Anas, although marriage in this origin may be deemed to be desirable, in cases of certain individuals, it becomes obligatory (Wajib).
According to Islam, marriage is obligatory for a man who has the means to easily pay the dowry, and maintain a wife and children and who is healthy and fears that if he does not marry he may commit fornication. It is also recommended for a person who has a strong will to control his sexual urge and not to fall prey to the temptations of Satan but who's only aim is to have children. However, marriage is superogetory for a person who can control his sexual desire; who has no wish to have children and who feels that marriage will not keep him away from his devotion to Allah.
However, according to the Maliki school, it is obligatory for Muslims to marry even though they may not be in a position to earn their living on three conditions:
If he believes that without marriage he will commit fornication. If he is unable to fast to control his passion or that he can fast but his fasting does not help him to refrain from adultery. He cannot even find a slave girl or an utterly poor girl to marry. Some jurists disagree on this point, and suggest that if he cannot procure lawful livelihood, he must not marry. If at all he married without any hope of getting lawful bread, he will commit theft. Thus in order to avoid one evil, he will be a victim of another.
Islam is a practical religion based in reality, and as such, recognizes the human sexual urge as a natural condition of life. It supports neither the extremes of celibacy (as in monasticism), nor non-marital or extra marital sex. The Muslim culture does not allow dating between unmarried couples. Marriage is seen as a moral safeguard, a means of legal sexual gratification, tension reduction and legitimate procreation.
In addition, marriage is social necessity, for the family is the basis of the Islamic society. As well as preserving and continuing the human race it strengthens the support networks within and between families and communities giving support of a social, as responsibility and induces men to increase their earnings in order to care for their dependents.
In addition to what has already been mentioned, other functions of marriage also exist. Maintaining a proper lineage is crucial in Islam and is one of the main functions of marriage. By this Godly system each newborn can be identified by both a mother and father with no difficulty. This is a mean of maintaining an order in society that cannot be crossed.
One might ask why would the lineage be of such an importance? In Islam there are numerous laws of inheritance, which are based on the lineage and the relationship of the deceased to the heirs, if there were no true laws of lineage established such rules of inheritance could not be exercised. The explains why God has objected to giving one's name to an adopted son or daughter; this would give them the right to inherit that which they are not lawfully entitled.
Marriage stands as a strong wall in the face of all, which is ill in society. Without the bond of marriage many crimes would be committed. There would be no order in the world whatsoever. Humans would thus behave like animals who have no laws governing their actions. In order to picture what might happen if the laws of marriage did not exist, one should only take a closer look into some existing societies that do not abide by these rules. It is evident that many problems occur in these societies such as the problem of identifying who is the real father, incurable deadly sexually transmitted diseases, and many other problems that are not found in societies which follow God's word with respect to marriage.
Thus to summarize the main functions of marriage:
A means of emotional and sexual gratification.
A mechanism of tension reduction.
A means of legitimate procreation.
An approach to inter-family alliance and group solidarity. An act of piety.
It is obedience to Allah and to his Prophet.
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From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 12:09 PM
QUALIFICATIONS OF MARRIAGE:
Allah (The God) has given the marring couple a period of trial in which they can get to know one another a little better (in the presence of a relative). This period is known as the engagement period. The Prophet (PBUH) encouraged those who are thinking of marriage to make use of this period to insure that they are right for each other and so that no major problems arise. If the couple found they are compatible to one another, marriage may then follow.
There are certain qualifications in marriage that have to be met before the contract is valid; the first of which is the age of both the husband and wife. The husband has to be a mature individual capable of supporting a family and carrying the job of both a husband and a father. The wife has to have reached the age of puberty and be capable of maintaining a household.
A Muslim male is allowed to marry a Christian or a Jew (people of the book) but not an unbeliever, yet a Muslim female is only permitted to marry a Muslim male. Allah has a wise reason behind this difference. A Muslim man may marry a woman from the people of the book on the same terms as he would marry a Muslim woman: he must give her an economic and moral status, and must not be actuated merely by motives of lust or physical desire. A Muslim woman may not marry a non-Muslim man, because her Muslim faith would be affected; the wife ordinarily takes the nationality and status given by her husband's law. Any man or woman, of any race or faith, may, on accepting Islam, freely marry any Muslim woman or man, provided it be from motives of purity and chastity and not of lewdness.
It is well established that children out of a marriage carry their father's name, nationality and religion. Thus if a Muslim lady marries a Christian for example, her children would not be Muslims, Islam would have lost those children, and how difficult must it be on the mother for her children to be away from the right path as she knows it. This explains the reason why a Muslim female is only allowed to marry a Muslim male.
A Muslim man is guaranteed that his children will carry his name. Thus, he is allowed to marry from the people of the book. Possibly, because of his kind treatment to his wife she may decide to convert to Islam (she cannot be forced, since there is no compulsion in religion).
Note that in both cases males and females are not allowed to marry unbelievers. Marriage is a most intimate communion, and the mystery of sex finds its highest fulfillment when intimate spiritual harmony is combined with the physical link. As religion is a real influence in life to both parties or to either party, a difference in this vital matter must affect the lives of both more profoundly than differences of birth, race, language, or position in life. It is therefore only right that the parties to be married should have the same spiritual outlook. If two persons love each other, their outlook in the highest things of life must be the same. Note that religion is not just a mere label or a matter of custom of birth. The two persons may have been born in different religions, but if, by their mutual influence, they come to see the truth in the same way, they must openly accept the same rights and the same social brotherhood. Otherwise the position will become impossible individually and socially.
There is a group of people to whom marriage is prohibited. And marry not women whom your fathers married, except what is past: It was shameful and odious, and abominable custom indeed. Prohibited to you (for marriage) are:
"your mothers, daughters, sister's daughters; foster-mothers (who gave you suck), foster sisters; your wives' mothers; your step- daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom ye have gone in, no prohibition if ye have not gone in; (hose who have seen) wives of your sons proceeding from your loins; and two sisters in wedlock at one and the same time, except of what is past; for Allah is the forgiving, most Merciful; also (prohibited are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess: Thus hath Allah ordained (prohibitions) against you." (Quran sura 4, aya (verse) 23
By reason of consanguinity a man cannot marry any female ascendant or descendant of his or the daughter of any ascendant, who high so ever, or of any descendant, how low so ever. On the ground of affinity he is debarred from marrying a woman who has been the wife of any ascendant of his. This is another reason behind the importance of lineage; a person could potentially marry a prohibited mate if his/her lineage was not clearly identified.
If a boy or girl, is fed from the breast milk of a wet nurse when it is under two years old, the wet nurse becomes the milk mother of the baby and her husband becomes its milk father. This leads to a series of marriage prohibitions on the same lines of prohibitions resulting from blood relationship. The parents of the milk parents become the baby's milk grandparents, end so forth. The children of the milk parents, either by birth or by milk feeding, become the baby's brothers and sisters, and their offspring are the baby's nieces and nephews, and so forth. However, the prohibition does not extend to the baby's own brothers, his parents or grandparents or the offspring of these. They remain strangers to the baby's milk parents and to their relatives.
However, the prohibition of marriage on account of breast-feeding applies only on the following conditions
The sucking was from the breast of a living woman, who was at time of sucking no, less than nine years old, the minimum age of puberty.
Sucking should have occurred five complete times.
The age of the child at the time of sucking was two years or less. Sucking at a later age is not counted.
The matrimonial relationship is the most intimate and close relation between the sexes and is also fundamental in the structure of society, the family being the primary unit of human civilization. In this relationship, the status of men and women is equal and both play an equally important role, though different ones, in the establishment and maintenance of the marriage relationship, as well as in its severance. This is fully supported by the teaching and practice of the prophet and his companions. Women have a full choice as to whom they marry and cannot be married without their free consent.
Abu Hurairah reported Allah's messenger as saying:
"A woman without a husband must not be married before she is consulted about it, and a virgin must not be married before her permission is obtained."
The same right is given to a woman who was previously married, and is now widowed or divorced and wants to remarry. It is narrated by Ibn Abbas that the prophet said:
"A women without a husband has a right to her person than her guardian has."
These two sayings of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) confirm that Islam has given complete freedom of choice and refusal (or repudiation) to woman in the matter of her marriage. The previous ahadith (sayings of prophet Muhammad) show that women enjoy equal status and equal rights with men in deciding their contract Of marriage. Any marriage, which is forced upon any woman widow or divorcee, is invalid and can be revoked by the courts.
Another very important point that should be emphasized is that in Islam the wife keeps her identity and legal personality after marriage. She does not loose her identity, as is the case in the western world, whose person is amalgamated with her husband and she is called and known by the name of her husband. This is evidence that women are respected and honored in Islam more so than in any other religion which exists now days.
To further support the previous comment the concept of dowry should be discussed. The Quran makes it obligatory on the man to offer the woman a dowry as a gesture of goodwill and a sign of his honoring her as a member of the household and a full partner in life. This is an objective expression of the husband's desire to honor her, to recognize her rights and to welcome her into his home as a full partner in building their family life together. Islam has taken all possible measures to insure that a woman is not provision for her maintenance if she does not intent to remarry. And it has strictly forbidden men to take back, at divorce, anything they may have given to their wives by way of dowry, even if it has been treasures of gold and silver.
"But if ye decide to take one wife in place of another, even if ye had given the latter a whole treasure for dower, take not the least bit of it back" (Quran sura 4, aya20).
These restrictions do not exist in other religions.
Prior to Islam wives were stripped away from their right of dowry and of future protection in case of divorce or death of the husband. It is thus clear that Islam has protected the interests of the wife and never did put her in a state of oppression as claimed by uninformed individuals
There is no doubt that polygamy is the most controversial issue in Islam, an issuer that the West has considered to be the worst setback for the Islamic religion, partly because of the lack of understanding of the main reason and the holy wisdom behind making it permissible to men. There is no doubt that polygamy is allowed for many reasons. There are social, physical and economic reasons for polygamy, such as the following:
In times of war, populations become unbalanced due to the loss of men, leaving more women and orphans unprotected and without support. Therefore, it serves both a social and a moral function to include these surplus women, some of whom are perhaps widows with children, in a normal family unit. The chronic illness of a wife, whether in mind or body, or her extreme age, could make it difficult for her to maintain a household, care for her children, and care for her husband and his property. It could be of great help to her to have another woman's assistance. The moderate sexual needs of woman may not meet the need of her husband. If a wife is barren and unable to bear children, an alternative to divorce and far more preferable, is polygamy. The prophet said: "The throne of Heaven shakes when there is a divorce." Polygamy or marrying more than one wife is not a new phenomenon. It has always been with mankind from time immemorial among different people in various parts of the world. The Arabians were polygamous even before the advent of Islam and so were other people on most parts of the world during that time. The Jahiliyya Arabs used to marry a large number of women and considered them chattel.
With the advent of Islam, limitless polygamy was restricted to four wives and with a number of rules attached to it. It is interesting to mention that there is only one single verse that refers and permits polygamy; it reads:
"If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry the women of your choice, two, or three, or four. But if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then only one." (Quran sura 4, aya 3).
This verse was revealed after the Battle of Uhud when the Muslims were left with many orphans and widows. The treatment was to be governed by principles of greatest humanity and equality. The verse not merely limited to the orphans but it has a general application about the marriage laws in Islam. The Muslim jurists, therefore, have laid down the following conditions if someone wants to take more than one wife:
He should have enough financial capacity to look after the needs of the additional wives that he had undertaken. He must do equal justice to them all. Each wife should be treated equally. An important verse in the Quran is the one in which Allah says that husbands will not be able to treat all wives justly even if they tried. He says:
"You are never able to be fair and just as between women. If ever it is your ardent desire: but turn not away from woman altogether as to leave her as it were hanging in the air. " (Quran sura 4, aya 129).
At the end of the discussion about polygamy it is important to say that Allah created men knowing that to some, one spouse is not enough, some need more than one to satisfy their natural desires. Thus, for their benefit Allah has allowed for more than one wife. This nature in men is not only present in Muslim men alone; it also exists in the west. Many men have mistresses meaning many of them commit adultery. Allah wanted to insure that the rights of the women and the children that result from polygamous relations be reserved, since he is all knowing, and all merciful.
Because Islam considers marriage a very serious commitment, it has prescribed certain measures to make the marital bond as permanent as humanly possible. The parties must strive to meet the conditions of proper age, general compatibility, reasonable dowry, good will, free consent, unselfish guardianship, honorable intentions, and judicious discretion. When the couple enter into a marital contract, the intention must be clear to make the bond permanent, free from the casual and temporary designations. For this reason, trial marriages, term marriages, and all marriages that appear experimental, casual, or temporary are forbidden in Islam. In one of his most unequivocal statements, the Prophet (PBUH) declared that condemned are the men and women who relish the frequent change of marital partners, that is, the "tasters" who enjoy one partner for a while, then shift to another, then to a third and so on.
However, to insist on the permanent character of marriages does not mean that the marital contract is absolutely indissoluble. Muslims are designated by the Quran as a middle nation and Islam is truly a religion of the golden mean, the well- balanced and well-integrated system. This is particularly clear in the case of marriage, which Islam regards as neither a sacrament nor a simple civil contract. Rather, marriage in Islam is something unique with very special features of both sacramental and contractual mature. It is equally true that the alternative to this casual or temporary extremity is not the other extreme of absolute indissolubility of the marital contract. The Islamic course is one of equitable and realistic moderation. The marriage contract should be taken as a serious, permanent bond. But if it does not work well for any valid reason, it may be terminated in kindness and honor, with equity and peace.
With piety as the basis of mate selection, and with the earnest satisfaction of the conditions of marriage, the parties should be well on the way to a happy and fulfilling married life. However, Islam goes much further than this in setting the course of behavior for husbands and wives. Many are the statements of the Quran and sunnah that prescribe kindness and equity, compassion and love, sympathy and consideration, patience and good will. The Prophet goes as far as no declare the best Muslim is the one who is best to his family, and the greatest, most blessed joy in life is a good, righteous wife.
The consummation of marriage creates new roles for the parties concerned. Each role is a set of equitable, proportionate rights and obligations. The role of the husband revolves around the moral principle that it is his solemn duty to Allah to treat his wife with kindness, honor, and patience; to keep her honorably or free her from the marital bond honorably; and to cause her no harm or grief. The role of the wife is summarized in the verse that the women have rights even as they have duties, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree over them. This degree is usually interpreted by Muslim scholars in conduction with another passage which states, among other things, that men are trustees, guardians, and protectors of the women because God has made some of them excel others and because men expend of their means. This degree has been misunderstood by Muslims and non-Muslim alike. The verse does not say men are better or worse than women are.
Nor does it say what excellence really refers to, let alone identify it with manhood or womanhood. This degree may be likened to what sociologists call "instrumental leadership" or external authority in the household due to the division of labor and role differentiation. It does not, however, mean any categorical discrimination or superiority of one sex to the other.
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From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 12:13 PM
THE HUSBAND’S OBLIGATIONS:
Translated into rules of behavior, these ethical principles allocated to the wife certain rights and corresponding obligations. Because the Quran and sunnah of the Prophet have commanded kindness to women, it is the husband's duty to consort with his wife in an equitable and kind manner. One specific consequence of this divine command is his responsibility for the full maintenance of the wife, a duty which he must discharge cheerfully, without reproach, injury, or condescendence.
Maintenance entails the wife's incontestable right to lodging, clothing, nourishing, and general care and well being. The wife's residence must be adequate so as to provide with the reasonable level of privacy, comfort, and independence. The wife's material rights are not her only assurances and securities. She has other rights of a moral nature; and they are equally binding and specific. A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, to respect her feelings, and to show her kindness and consideration. She is not to be shown any aversion by her husband or subjected to suspense and uncertainty. A corollary of this rule is that no man is allowed to keep his wife with the intention of inflicting harm on her or hindering her freedom. If he has no love or sympathy for her, she has the right to demand freedom from the marital bond, and no one may stand in her way to a new life.
This appears to be an appropriate place to mention the Prophet (PBUH) as a husband; he was very just to his wives, he was not a burden to them. He used to sew his clothes and repair his shoes by himself. He also used to help in the daily chores around the house especially when his wives were sick. The Prophet was by far the best husband. He has set his sunnah, which is being followed by many in the Islamic world, and may the peace and blessings of Allah be around him
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From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 12:22 PM
THE WIFE’S OBLIGATION:
The main obligation of the wife as a partner in a marital relationship is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage as much as possible. She must be attentive to the comfort and well being of her mate. She may neither offend him nor hurt his feelings. Perhaps nothing can illustrate the point better the Quranic statement, which describes the righteous people as those who pray: "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the joy and comfort of out eyes, and guide us to be models or righteousness." (Quran sura 25, aya 74)
This is the basis on which all the wife's obligations rest and from which they flow. To fulfill this basic obligation, the wife must be faithful, trustworthy, and honest. More specifically, she must not deceive her mate by deliberately avoiding conception test it deprives him of legitimate progeny. Nor must she allow any other person to have access to sexual intimacy, which is her husband's exclusive right. A corollary of this is that she must not receive or entertain strange males in her home without his knowledge and consent. Nor may she accept their gifts without he is approval. This is probably meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion, gossip, etc., and also to maintain the integrity of all parties concerned. The husband's possessions are her trust. If she has access to any portion thereof, or if she is entrusted with any fund, she must discharge her duty wisely and thriftily. She may not lend or dispose of any of his belongings without his permission.
With respect to intimacy, the wife is to make herself desirable; to be attractive, responsive, and cooperative. A wife may not deny herself to her husband, for the Quran speaks of them as a comfort to each other. The wife is not permitted to do any thing that may render her companionship less desirable or less gratifying. If she does any such thing or neglects herself, the husband has the right to interfere with her freedom to rectify the situation. To insure maximum self-fulfillment for both partners, he is not permitted to do anything on his part that may impede her gratification.
In conclusion, it is apparent that Islam has made the marriage bond to be an intimate and a very respected bond between two individuals. Islam has protected the interests of both spouses, and even made divorce permissible (although not recommended) to the husband to khul to be permissible to the wife. Since family is the center of Islamic society, a great deal of importance has been addressed to marriage and marriage laws. It is evident that one of the most important Islamic objectives is equality to both husbands and wives. The following is an attempt to summarize marriage as viewed in Islamic Shariah.
Please click on the aya to read The Etiquettes Of Marriage And Wedding Sheikh Muhammad Naasirudden al-Albaani"
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put
love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are Signs for those
who reflect".[al-Room 30:21]
"
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Recommend Message 7 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 12:26 PM
The order to Marry
Hadith - Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, No. 1, Narrated Anas bin Malik
A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)."
Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 4, Narrated 'Abdullah
We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."
Saying of Salaf - Sufyan ibn 'Uyaynah
Sufyân ibn ‘Uyaynah (rahimahullâh) said, "The most nimble of creatures still have need of a voice. The cleverest women still need to have a husband, and the cleverest man still needs to consult wise men."
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Recommend Message 8 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 12:26 PM
Al-Mahr (The Dowry)
The Noble Qur'an 4:4
And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart, but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allâh has made it lawful).
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Recommend Message 9 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 12:27 PM
Stipulations in Marriage Contract
Hadith - Abu Dawud and AI-Hakim on the authority of Abi hurairah, Sahih Al- Jami AI-Sayhir, (No. 6714)
Regarding contracts the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: The rights are decided by the conditions.
Hadith - Malik's Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.6.16
Yahya related to me from Malik that he had heard that Said ibn al-Musayyab was asked about a woman who made a stipulation on her husband not to take her away from her town. Said ibn al-Musayyab said, "He takes her away if he wishes."
Malik said, "The custom among us is that when a man marries a woman, and he makes a condition in the marriage contract that he will not marry after her or take a concubine, it means nothing unless there is an oath of divorce or setting-free attached to it. Then it is obliged and required of him."
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book Al-Mughni:
“If he married her on the condition that he should not make her move from her house or her city, then this condition is valid, because it was reported that the Prophet said: ‘The most deserving of conditions to be fulfilled are those by means of which sexual intercourse becomes permissible for you.’ If he married her on the condition that he will not marry another wife, then she has the right to leave him if he does take another wife.” In conclusion, then, the conditions of the marriage contract are divided into three types, one of which must be adhered to, which is of benefit to the wife, such as her being able to stipulate that he cannot make her move from her house or city, or travel with him, or take another wife or a concubine. He has to adhere to these conditions, and if he does not, then she has the right to annul the marriage.” [Al-Mughni by Ibn Qudaamah, part 7, Kitaab al-Nikaah]
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked this question and he replied in Al-Fataawa al-Kubra:
“Question: a man married a woman and she stipulated that he should not take another wife or make her move from her house, and that she could stay with her mother, so he married her on this basis. Does he have to adhere to this, and if he goes against these conditions, does his wife have the right to annul the marriage or not?
Answer: yes, these conditions and similar ones are valid according to the madhhab of Imaam Ahmad and other scholars among the Sahaabah and Taabi’een, such as ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas, Shurayh al-Qaadi, al-Oozaa’i and Ishaaq. According to the madhhab of Maalik, the condition states that if he marries another wife, (the first wife) has the choice of what to do, and this is a valid condition. The woman has the right to leave him in this case. This is similar to the idea in the Madhhab of Imaam Ahmad. The basis for this is the hadeeth narrated by (al-Bukhaari and Muslim) in al-Saheehayn from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): ‘The most deserving of conditions to be fulfilled are those by means of which sexual intercourse becomes permissible for you.’ ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: ‘Rights are in accordance with conditions.’ The Prophet dictated that the conditions which make sexual intercourse permissible are more deserving of fulfilment than others. This is the ruling on conditions of this nature.” [al-Fataawa al-Kubra, part 3, Kitaab al-Nikaah].
The noted scholar Ibn 'Uthaimeen has stated:
It is the right of the woman to make stipulations at the writing of the marriage contract as she wishes and if these stipulations do not contradict Islamic law then the husband must fulfill them. For example, that he not marry a second wife and that if he does to dissolve the first marriage. This is not a problem. However, a new prospective wife cannot stipulate that the first wife be divorced before he marries her. I must say however that a first wife should not make such a stipulation that her husband not marry a second wife. I fear that if a woman makes this stipulation that the husband will, if he desires to marry a second woman, simply divorce the first one straight away [i.e. not even give her consideration] and it would no be to her benefit. Therefore I advise the woman not to make such a stipulation because this may be a manner by which the husband is able to follow a good sunnah.
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Recommend Message 10 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 12:29 PM
The Limit of What can be seen of the Woman Whom One Seeks to Marry
Sheikh Ibn Baz, May Allah have Mercy on him
Question: If a young man proposes marriage to a young lady is it obligatory that he sees her? Also, is it correct that the young lady uncover her head to show more of her beauty to her proposing fiance? Please benefit us and may Allaah benefit you.
Answer: There is no harm (in the man seeing her), however it is not obligatory. Rather, it is recommended that he sees her and she sees him, because the Prophet (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) commanded the one who proposed marriage to look at the woman. This is because that is better for causing agreement and harmony between them. So if she uncovers her face for him, and her hands and her head, there is no harm in that according to the correct opinion. Some of the people of knowledge have said that it is sufficient for her to uncover the face and the two hands. However, the correct opinion is that there is no harm in him seeing her head, face, hands and feet, based upon the mentioned hadeeth (above). However, this is not permissible with him being alone with her. Rather, her father, or brother, or someone else must be with them. This is because the Prophet (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, "A man must never be alone with a woman unless there is someone who is a Mahram with them." (Agreed upon in Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree and Saheeh Muslim.) He (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) also said, "A man must never be alone with a woman, for verily the Satan is their third." (At-Tirmithee and Ahmad)
Source: Sheikh ibn Baz, Al-Fataawaa ash-Shar'iyyah fil-Masaa'il il-'Asriyyah min Fataawaa 'Ulamaa' il-Balad il-Haraam, pp. 498-499. Translated by Aqeel Walker
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Recommend Message 11 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 12:30 PM
Rights over one another
Hadith - Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 50, Number 882. Narrated Uqba bin Amir
Allah's Apostle said, "From among all the conditions which you have to fulfill, the conditions which make it legal for you to have sexual relations (i.e. the marriage contract) have the greatest right to be fulfilled."
The following examples of behavior of a husband are haram (prohibited) and can lead to disobedience (to Allah) in the wife.
Al-Bahuti al-Hanbali, Kishaaf al-Qinaa’ an Matn al-Iqnaa’, vol. 5, pp. 184, 290, 213; Ibn Abideen, Radd al-Mukhtar ala al-Darr al-Mukhtar wa Hashiyah, vol. 3, p. 190; Tafseer al-Manaar, vol. 5, p. 76.
"He [the husband] may cause his wife different forms of harm, such as cursing her or her family, reviling her, verbally abusing her for the tiniest of reasons. He may insult her because of her family, if it is less prestigious or honorable than his. Or he may try to bring harm to her by divorcing her and then, before the waiting period is finished, bring her back as his wife and then divorce her again. All this is done without the intention of returning to a real married life but simply to harm her and transgress her rights. Or he may avoid having sexual intercourse with her for no reason or legal sanction. This may lead the woman to lose her chastity and doing something forbidden."
The Noble Qur'an Al-Baqarah 2:228
...And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allâh is All-Mighty, All-Wise.
Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi, Narrated Amr ibn al-Ahwas al-Jushami
The Prophet said, "...Listen! You have your rights upon your wives and they have their rights upon you. Your right is that they shall not allow anyone you dislike, to trample your bed and do not permit those whom you dislike to enter your home. Their right is that you should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing."
Hadith - Sahih Al-Bukhari 3.189, Narrated Abu Juhaifa
Salman told Abu Ad-Darda', "Your Lord has a right on you, your soul has a right on you, and your family has a right on you; so you should give the rights of all those who has a right on you." Abu Ad-Darda' came to the Prophet and narrated the whole story. The Prophet said, "Salman has spoken the truth."
Hadith - Sahih Al-Bukhari 3.501, Narrated Abu Huraira
...The Prophet said, "The best amongst you is the one who pays the rights of others generously."
Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi #276, Narrated Amr ibn al-Ahwas al-Jushami
Amr heard the Prophet say in his farewell address on the eve of his Last Pilgrimage, after he had glorified and praised Allah, he cautioned his followers: 'Listen! Treat women kindly; they are like prisoners in your hands. Beyond this you do not owe anything from them. Should they be guilty of flagrant misbehaviour, you may remove them from your beds, and beat them but do not inflict upon them any severe punishment. Then if they obey you, do not have recourse to anything else against them. Listen! You have your rights upon your wives and they have their rights upon you. Your right is that they shall not allow anyone you dislike, to trample your bed and do not permit those whom you dislike to enter your home. Their right is that you should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing.' [Transmitted by Tirmidhi]
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Recommend Message 12 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 12:30 PM
Some Marriage Conditions That Must Not Exist
The Noble Qur'an 24:3
The adulterer marries not but an adulteress or a Mushrikah and the adulteress none marries her except an adulterer or a Muskrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely he is either an adulterer, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater, etc.) And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress, etc.)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islâmic Monotheism).
The Noble Qur'an 5:5
(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends.
The Noble Qur'an Al-Mumtahinah 60:10
O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them, Allâh knows best as to their Faith, then if you ascertain that they are true believers, send them not back to the disbelievers, they are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them. But give the disbelievers that (amount of money) which they have spent [as their Mahr] to them. And there will be no sin on you to marry them if you have paid their Mahr to them. Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives, and ask for (the return of) that which you have spent (as Mahr) and let them (the disbelievers, etc.) ask back for that which they have spent. That is the Judgement of Allâh. He judges between you. And Allâh is All-Knowing, All-Wise.
Hadith - Malik's Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.8.21
Yahya related to me from Malik from Yahya ibn Said that Said ibn al-Musayyab said, "It is forbidden to be married to a woman and her paternal or maternal aunt at the same time, and for a man to have intercourse with a female slave who is carrying another man's child."
Hadith - Muwatta 28.54
Yahya related to me from Malik from Rabia ibn Abi Abd ar-Rahman that al-Qasim ibn Muhammad and Urwa ibn az-Zubayr said that a man who had four wives and then divorced one of them irrevocably, could marry straightaway if he wished, and he did not have to wait for the completion of her idda.
Hadith - Malik's Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.11.26:
Yahya related to me from Malik from Abu'z-Zubayr al-Makki that a case was brought to Umar about a marriage which had only been witnessed by one man and one woman . He said, "This is a secret marriage and I do not permit it. Had I been the first to come upon it, I would have ordered them to be stoned."
Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 48, Number 813, Narrated Ibn 'Abbas
The Prophet said about Hamza's daughter, "I am not legally permitted to marry her, as [Islamic] foster relations are treated like blood relations (in marital affairs). She is the daughter of my foster brother."
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Recommend Message 13 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 12:31 PM
Temporary Marriage
Hadith - Malik's Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.18.41:
Yahya related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Abdullah and Hasan, the sons of Muhammad ibn Ali ibn Abi Talib from their father, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah forbade temporary marriage with women and the flesh of domestic donkeys on the Day of Khaybar.
Hadith - Malik's Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.18.42
Yahya related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Urwa ibn az-Zubayr that Khawla ibn Hakim came to Umar ibn al-Khattab and said, ''Rabia ibn Umayya made a temporary marriage with a woman and she is pregnant by him.'' Umar ibn al-Khattab went out in dismay dragging his cloak, saying, "This temporary marriage, had I come across it, I would have ordered stoning and done away with it! "
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Recommend Message 14 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 12:32 PM
How to Approach a Woman for Marriage
Hadith - Muwatta 28.1
Yahya related to me from Malik from Muhammad ibn Yahya ibn Habban from al-Araj from Abu Hurayra that the Messenger of Allah said, "Do not ask for a woman in marriage when another Muslim has already done so."
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Recommend Message 15 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 12:34 PM
Words from Sheikh al Albaani
may Allah have mercy on him
Words of Advice to the Husband and the Wife
by: Sheikh al Albaani
The husband and wife need to be compliant, cooperative and conciliatory toward one another, and to advise each other and urge each other toward obedience to Allah subhana wa ta'ala, following all of His ruling which have been clearly established in the Qur'an and the Sunnah. These must never be superceded by blind following of any religious or other figures, or any custom or school of thought which has predominated among the people. Allah aza wa jal says "It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allâh and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allâh and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a plain error. " [al ahzab:33-36]
Each of them should fully carry out the duties and responsibilities with which Allah has obligated them toward the other...thus, the wife should not try to have all of the same rights as her husband, and the husband must never exploit the role of leadership and authority to which he has been assigned in the marriage relationship to oppress her, strike her or to be otherwise unfair to her.
Allah said: "And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree of advantage over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise. [al baqarah:228]
Allah also said "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allâh and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allâh orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see illconduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allâh is Ever Most High, Most Great. " [an-nisaa:34]
Mu'awiya ibn Haida radi Allahu anhu said "O rasulullah, what rights do our wives have over us?" Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa sallam said "That you should feed them as you feed yourselves, clothe them as you clothe yourselves, never invoke ugliness upon them, (referring to the custom of the Arabs when they are angry they say 'May Allah make your face ugly) never strike them in the face, and in boycotting the marital bed, do not go outside of the house to sleep. How (could you do any of these things) after you have entered into one another, so do only that which is allowed with regard to her (for valid reasons). [ahmed/sahih]
In another hadith rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said "The doers of justice will be on thrones of light at Allah's right Hand and both of Allah's hands are right hands- whose who were just in their ruling, with their families and in all that over which there were given authority." [Muslim]
When they both know and practice this, Allah subhana wa ta'ala grants them a good life and they will live for as long as they remain together- in the bliss of happiness. Allah said "Whoever works righteousness, man or woman, and has Faith, verily, to him will We give a new Life, a life that is good and pure, and We will bestow on such their reward according to the best of their actions." [an nahl:97]
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Recommend Message 16 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 12:35 PM
Poor Pious Man is a Better Marriage Suitor than a Rich Man Who is Not Pious
Hadith - Bukhari 7.28, Narrated Sahl
A man passed by Allah's Apostle and Allah's Apostle asked (his companions) "What do you say about this (man)?" They replied, "If he asks for a lady's hand, he ought to be given her in marriage; and if he intercedes (for someone) his intercessor should be accepted; and if he speaks, he should be listened to." Allah's Apostle kept silent, and then a man from among the poor Muslims passed by, an Allah's Apostle asked (them) "What do you say about this man?" They replied, "If he asks for a lady's hand in marriage he does not deserve to be married, and he intercedes (for someone), his intercession should not be accepted; And if he speaks, he should not be listened to." Allah's Apostle (saaws) said, "This poor man is better than so many of the first as filling the earth."
Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi #3090, Narrated Abu Hurairah, r.a.
Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.' [Tirmidhi, Nasa'i and Ibn Majah transmitted it.]
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Recommend Message 17 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/1/2004 12:39 PM
Overview
Single muslims should have intentions to marry as soon as Islamically permissible and a suitable candidate for marriage is available.
For a female, it is permissible to marry at any time near puberty.
For a man, he is ordered to marry after puberty once he has established a means to support a family.
It is recommended (in order to avoid being jailed) to not marry until old enough according to the laws in the land they live, but it is Islamically permissible before that. In the U.S., the typical legally permissible age is 14 or 15 with a parent's permission, but it will vary depending on where you live, so check with the local authorities first.
Neither should refuse marriage to a suitable muslim marriage candidate.
A woman is permitted (if she so chooses) to marry a poor man of good character, but she must not marry a non-Muslim.
A muslim man may only marry a muslim or non-polytheist christian or jew who is chaste.
A mahr/dowry (gift from the man to the new wife) should be agreed upon before the actual marriage.
The dowry can be anything halal that they agree upon and it is obligatory that she is given a dowry. It is recommended that the dowry is something appropriate to his income level and ability to give.
Although jewelry is permissible to be given as the dowr or part of the dowr, it should not be an imitation of christian traditions, such as a diamond ring worn on the left third finger and given as part of the marriage ceremony.
A couple may stipulate in the marriage contract that he will not take on an additional wife, only under the agreement that if he does this, they will get divorced.
As a muslimah, this is not necessarily to your benefit to make such a stipulation. For instance, you could become paralyzed from the waist down, and if your husband were to want a second wife, he would have to divorce you, but Allah swt in His Infinite Wisdom, has made provisions that would allow you to remain secure and his wants still be fulfilled. Not that he must find another wife under such a circumstance, but it is his right, and you may love him so much that you want him to take on another wife, but at the same time you very likely may not want a divorce. This is only one such example. Recognize that you cannot fortell the future and trust Allah's provisions for up to four wives as a blessing for you and not a bad thing. No-one is saying that the man should have up to four wives, but that under certain conditions, there is a great wisdom and benefit in this arrangement. Allahu Alam.
What is agreed upon in the marriage contract, on any halal matter, stands - unless the two come to a mutual agreement to change this stipulation, so long as there is nothing haram they agree to do, etc. So, she can waive that right - upon mutual agreement only - keeping in mind that the original marriage contract takes precedence over arguements or disputes later in the marriage.
A man who has four wives cannot divorce one wife and marry another woman while the divorced wife is still in her iddah (waiting period) , UNLESS the divorce was irrevocable, i.e. it was her third divorce.
A marriage should be witnessed by at least two men, or four women, or one man and two women.
The rights of a husband include:
Halal marital relations to the degree that they are able
That the wife will guard in the husband's absence what Allah has ordered her to guard (i.e. her chastity, his property, secrets in the bed between the two)
That she would not fast while in his presence, without his permission.
If it is an obligatory fast, he still has rights to deny it if he has a valid reason, such as believing that the fast would be a severe risk to her health, and he must allow the obligatory fast of Ramadan if there is no valid reason to forbid it.
As to when she is to make up the Ramadan fast days that she did not make due to her menstrual, he must cooperate with her desires to make it up promptly, but he still can deny that the fast be done at certain times as he decides what he believes is best for her and for the marriage overall.
For non-obligated fasts, he should encourage the piety of fasting in general, but he is not obligated to permit each request to fast if they will be in each other's presence during the fast.
To move the wife, have her travel with him, or to have up to four wives unless previously stipulated before marriage
That she will not spend his money against his halal orders
That she will not permit anyone to enter his house except with his permission
If seeing ill behavior from the wife, he has the right to first admonish her, then after that he may refuse to share the bed, then he may beat her lightly (in a way that does not leave marks or damage the body, as this is for a reminder to the call of Islam, not a punishment to inflict any physical harm). If at any time, she returns to obedience to Allah, swt, he should stop any means of annoyance upon her.
The rights of a wife include:
To have a muslim husband whose general aqeedah (beliefs/creed) and minhaj (methodology) is Qur'an and Sunnah
Halal marital relations to the degree that they are able
To refuse to move, travel, or be a co-wife if previously stipulated before marriage
To be clothed and fed as well as the husband, from his means.
Also that her dependent children are so clothed and fed by her new husband where the provisions of the biological father fall short (such as a deceased or deadbeat biological father), unless stipulated otherwise prior to marriage. But then of course they would have to stipulate how they intend to provide for the kids and what they will do if the situation changes (such as the biological father dies). The biological father is obligated first and foremost to provide for them within his means, but the new husband is also responsible for the protection and maintenance of those within his care.
The husband is responsible for maintaining the wife. If the wife has children from a previous marriage, providing for her children is a need she has. The new husband's job includes maintaining this aspect of the wife's needs.
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. ... (Qur'an 4:34)
The best of what you consume is that which you have earned. And your children are part of what you have earned. [al-Tirmidhi and al-Nasai. Al-Albani has graded it sahih. Al-Albani, Sahih al-Jami, vol. 1, p. 326.]
The new husband is not responsible for the latest nintendo game or everything any child feels he wants. But just like everything under his roof, there comes a sense of responsibility with seeing that it is adequately cared for. If he buys an item as small as a pencil, he is not allowed to abuse it or be negligent and destructive; instead, he must be responsible with everything Allah swt has put in his care. He should not pay the price of a house for a toy, buy a piece of furniture and then let children vandalize it, or allow haram things in the house. Why? Because it is his responsibility to (properly) maintain everything he has, including his body, because it is a sin not to take care of it. When we see that he is responsible for taking care of the physical things like furniture and maintenance of the actual house, we must stop to realize that the rights of a child are much greater than this man's right to a new carpet! The husband is responsible for seeing that everything under his roof is adequately cared for and properly prioritized.
And give to the kindred his due and to the Miskîn (poor) and to the wayfarer. But spend not wastefully (your wealth) in the manner of a spendthrift . [Qur'an 17:26]
...That you should feed them as you feed yourselves, clothe them as you clothe yourselves [Ahmed/sahih]
And the man is responsible for his household and will be asked about his responsibility [Bukhari]
Hind (bint 'Utba) said to the Prophet, "Abu Sufyan is a miserly man and I need to take some money of his wealth." The Prophet (saaws) said, "Take reasonably what is sufficient for you and your children." [Bukhari 9.291, Narrated 'Aisha]
The Prophet (saaws) said, "You will not find me to be miserly, cowardly, or a liar." [Muwatta 21.22]
Allah's Messenger (saaws) said, "The generous man is near Allah, near Paradise, near men and far from Hell, but the miserly man is far from Allah, far from Paradise, far from men and near Hell. Indeed, an ignorant man who is generous is dearer to Allah than a worshipper who is miserly." [Tirmidhi 1869, Narrated Abu Huraira]
That when the husband boycotts the marital bed, he does not leave the house to do so
Equal time with her husband if she is a co-wife (i.e. it is a polyganous marriage)
That the husband does not invoke evil upon her from Allah, swt, such as saying "may Allah make your face ugly"
That she is never striked in the face or ever hit in a way to cause physical injury.
Remember... Allah, subhanu watala, sees everything we do!
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Recommend Message 18 of 24 in Discussion
From: Abdelhadi Sent: 4/1/2005 2:23 PM
بسم الله و الصلاة و السلام على رسول الله
الأخوة والأخوات الأفاضل
السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته
قال الله تعالى فى كتابه العزيز : يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُواْ رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا رِجَالاً كَثِيرًا وَنِسَاء [النساء:1].
وقال تعإلى: هُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَجَعَلَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا لِيَسْكُنَ إِلَيْهَا [الأعراف:189].
وقال سبحانه: وَلَقَدْ أَرْسَلْنَا رُسُلاً مِّن قَبْلِكَ وَجَعَلْنَا لَهُمْ أَزْوَاجًا وَذُرِّيَّةً [الرعد:38].
وقال تعإلى: وَاللَّهُ جَعَلَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا وَجَعَلَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَزْوَاجِكُم بَنِينَ وَحَفَدَةً وَرَزَقَكُم مِّنَ الطَّيِّبَاتِ [النحل:72].
وقال سبحانه: وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ [الروم:21].
وقال سبحانه: خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ ثُمَّ جَعَلَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا [الزمر:6].
والزواج غنى، قال الله تعإلى: وَأَنكِحُوا الأَيَامَى مِنكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ إِن يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاء يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ [النور:32].
وعلاج من لا يملك نفقة الزواج، قال الله تعإلى: وَلْيَسْتَعْفِفِ الَّذِينَ لا يَجِدُونَ نِكَاحًا حَتَّى يُغْنِيَهُمْ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ [النور:33].
ونهى الله تعإلى عن الانقطاع عن الزواج للقادر عليه، قال الله تعإلى: يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ لاَ تُحَرِّمُواْ طَيِّبَاتِ مَا أَحَلَّ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ وَلاَ تَعْتَدُواْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لاَ يُحِبُّ الْمُعْتَدِينَ [المائدة:87].
وأباح الله تعإلى التعدد إلى أربع زوجات بشرط العدل في المسكن والكسوة والنفقة والمبيت، قال الله تعإلى: وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلاَّ تُقْسِطُواْ فِي الْيَتَامَى فَانكِحُواْ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاء مَثْنَى وَثُلاَثَ وَرُبَاعَ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلاَّ تَعْدِلُواْ فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ذَلِكَ أَدْنَى أَلاَّ تَعُولُواْ [النساء:3].
وقال : { ثلاث حق على الله عونهم: المجاهد في سبيل الله، والمكاتب الذي يريد الأداء، والناكح الذي يريد العفاف } [رواه الترمذي].
وقال : { لم ير للمتحابين مثل النكاح } [صحيح الجامع:5200].
وعن عائشة رضي الله عنها: { تخيروا لنطفكم وانكحوا الأكفاء } [رواه ابن ماجه].
وقال رسول الله : { تزوجوا الودود الولود، فإني مكاثر بكم الأنبياء يوم القيامة } [صحيح الجامع:2940].
ولما تزوج جابر بن عبدالله ثيّباً قال له رسول الله : { هلا تزوجت بكراً تلاعبها وتلاعبك } [متفق عليه].
وفي الأمثال: ( إن المناكح خيرها الأبكار ).
وعن عائشة رضي الله عنها قالت: قلت: يا رسول الله، أرأيت لو نزلت وادياً وفيه شجرة أُكل منها، ووجدت شجراً لم يؤكل منها، في أيها كنت تُرتعُ بعيرك؟ قال: { في التي لم يُرتع فيها } [أخرجه البخاري]. تعني أن رسول الله لم يتزوج بكراً غيرها.
وقال : { يا معشر الشباب من استطاع منكم الباءة فليتزوج، فإنه أغض للبصر، وأحصن للفرج، ومن لم يستطع فعليه بالصوم، فإنه له وجاء } [البخاري ومسلم].
وقال : { إذا أتاكم من ترضون خلقه ودينه فزوجوه، إن لا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد عريض } [صحيح الجامع].
وقال : { تزوجوا فإني مكاثر بكم الأمم، ولا تكونوا كرهبانية النصارى } [السلسلة الصحيحة:1782].
وقال : { حُبّب إليّ من دنياكم النساء والطيب، وجعلت قرة عيني في الصلاة } [رواه أحمد والنسائي].
ونهى عن التبتل والانقطاع عن الزواج، عن سعد بن أبي وقاص قال: { ردّ رسول الله على عثمان بن مظعون التبتل، ولو أذن له، لاختصينا } [البخاري ومسلم].
قال ابن مسعود رضي الله عنه: ( لو لم يبقى من أجلي إلا عشرة أيام، وأعلم أني أموت في آخرها، ولي طول النكاح فيهن، لتزوجت مخافة الفتنة ).
وقال أبو بكر الصديق رضي الله عنه: ( أطيعوا الله فيما أمركم به من النكاح، ينجز لكم ما وعدكم به من الغنى ).
قال عمر بن الخطاب رضي الله عنه: ( أكثروا من العيال فإنكم لا تدرون بمن ترزقون ).
كان ابن عباس يجمع غلمانه لما أدركوا، ويقول: ( إن أردتم النكاح أنكحتكم، فإن العبد إذا زنا نُزع الإيمان من قلبه ).
قال الأعمش: ( كل تزويج يقع على غير نظر، فآخره هم وغم ).
وقال عمر لأبي الزوائد: ( إنما يمنعك من التزوج عجز أو فجور ).
وقال ابن عباس: ( لا يتم نسك الناسك حتى يتزوج ).
وقال الإمام أحمد بن حنبل: ( لو كان بشر تزوج لتمّ أمره ). ويقصد الإمام بشر بن الحارث أبا نصر المروزي.
وقيل لأحمد: مات بشر، قال: ( مات والله وما له نظير، إلا عامر بن قيس، فإنّ عامراً مات ولم يترك شيئاً )، ثم قال أحمد: ( لو تزوج ).
قال ابن سيرين: ( تزوج الحسن امراة، فأرسل إليها مائة جارية، مع كل جارية الف درهم ).
قال: فوائد النكاح خمسة: الولد، وكسر الشهوة، وتدبير المنزل، وكثرة العشيرة، ومجاهدة النفس بالقيام بهن.
وقال في الإحياء: ( الخصال المطيبة للعيش التي لا بدّ من مراعاتها في المرأة ليدوم العقد وتتوفر مقاصده ثمانية: الدين، والخلق، والحسن، وخفة المهر، والولادة، والبكارة، والنسب، وأن لا تكون قرابة بعيدة ).
يروى عن عائشة رضي الله عنها قالت: ( إنما النكاح رق، فلينظر امرؤ من يرقّ كريمته ) [الكامل في الأدب].
وخطب أبو طالب بن عبدالمطلب لرسول الله في تزوجه خديجة بنت خويلد رحمة الله عليها، فقال: ( الحمد لله الذي جعلنا من ذرية إبراهيم، وزرع اسماعيل، وجعل لنا بلداً حراماً وبيتاً محجوباً، وجعلنا الحكام على الناس، ثم إن محمداً بن عبدالله ابن أخي، من لا يوازن به فتى من قريش إلا رجح عليه براً وفضلاً وكرماً وعقلاً ومجداً ونبلاً، وإن كان في المال قلّ، فإنما المال ظلّ زائل، وعارية مسترجعة، وله في خديجة بنت خويلد رغبة، ولها فيه مثل ذلك، وما أحببتم من الصداق فعليّ ).
قال ابن القيّم: ( محبة النساء من كمال الإنسان، قال ابن عباس: خير هذه الأمة أكثرها نساء ) [الداء والدواء:29].
عن طاووس قال: ( لا يتمّ نسك الشاب حتى يتزوج ) [نزهة الفضلاء].
وقال سعد بن أبي وقاص: ( رد رسول الله على عثمان بن مظعون التبتل، ولو أذن له لاختصينا ) [رواه البخاري].
أي: لو أذن له بالتبتل لبالغنا في التبتل حتى يفضي بنا الأمر إلى الاختصاء.
قال الطبري: ( التبتل الذي أراده عثمان بن مظعون تحريم النساء والطيب وكل ما يتلذذ به لهذا نزل في حقه: يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ لاَ تُحَرِّمُواْ طَيِّبَاتِ مَا أَحَلَّ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ وَلاَ تَعْتَدُواْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لاَ يُحِبُّ الْمُعْتَدِينَ [المائدة:87] ).
تزوج علي بن الحسين أم ولد لبعض الأنصار، فلامه عبدالملك في ذلك، فكتب إليه: ( إنّ الله رفع بالإسلام الخسيسة وأتمّ التقيصة، وأكرم به من اللؤم فلا عار على مسلم، هذا رسول الله قد تزوج أمته وامرأة عبده )، فقال عبدالملك: إنّ عليّ بن الحسين يتشرّف من حيث يتضع الناس. [عيون الأخبار].
قالت هند بن عتبة بن ربيعة، أم معاوية بن أب سفيان: ( إنما النساء أغلال، فليختر الرجل غلا ليده ) [أعلام النساء:5250].
وكان يقال: ( البكر كالذرة تطحنها وتعجنها وتخبزها، والثيّب عجالة راكب تمر وسويق ) [عيون الأخبار:47].
لقد تزوج الإمام أحمد بن حنبل في اليوم الثاني من وفاة أم ولده عبدالله، وقال: ( أكره أن أبيت عزبا! ).
وقال الإمام الشافعي: ( إن الزواج مباح لأنه قضاء لذة، ونيل شهوة، فهو كالأكل والشرب ) [عيون الأخبار:28].
وقالت هند بنت المهلب: ( ما رأيت لصالحي النساء وشرارهن خيرا من الحاقهن بمن يسكنّ اليه من الرجال، ولرب مسكون إليه غير طائل والسكن على كلّ حال أوفق ) [روضة المحبين].
يقول الغزالي: ( ومن بدائع ألطافه أن خلق من الماء بشرا، فجعله نسبا وصهرا، وسلّط على الخلق شهوة اضطرهم بها إلى الحراثة جبرا، واستبقى بها نسلهم إقهارا وقسرا.. وندب إلى النكاح وحثّ عليه استحبابا وأمرا.. فإنّ النكاح معين على الدين، ومهين للشيطان، وحصن، دون عدو الله حصين وسبب للتكثير الذي به مباهاة سيد المرسلين لسائر النبيين.. ).
قال القاسم بن عبدالرحمن: كان عبدالله بن مسعود يقرأ القرآن، فإذا فرغ قال: ( أين العزّاب؟ فيقول: ادنوا مني ثم قولوا: اللهم ارزقني امرأة إذا نظرت إليها سرّتني، وإذا أمرتها أطاعتني، وإذا غبت عنها حفظت غيبتي في نفسها ومالي ).
روى محكول عن عطية بن بشر، عن عكاف بن وداعة الهلالي، أن رسول الله قال: { يا عكاف، ألك امرأة؟ } قال: لا، قال: { فأنت إذاً من إخوان الشياطين، إن كنت من رهبان النصارى فالحق بهم، وإن كنت منا فانكح، فإن من سنّتنا النكاح } [العقد الفريد:776].
عن ضمرة بن حبيب أنه قال: ( كان أشياخنا يستحبون النكاح يوم الجمعة ) [عيون الأخبار].
وقال بعض العلماء: ( سمعت من يخبر عن اختيار الناس آخر النهار على أوله في النكاح ) [عيون الأخبار].
خطبة النكاح
خطب محمد بن الوليد بن عقبة إلى عمر بن عبدالعزيز أخته، فقال: ( الحمد لله ذي العزة والكبرياء، وصلى الله وسلم على محمد خاتم الأنبياء، أما بعد: فقد حسن ظن من أودعك حرمته، واختارك ولم يختره عليه، وقد زوجناك على ما في كتاب الله إمساك بمعروف، أو تسريح بإحسان ) [عيون الأخبار].
انكحك الصدق
خطب بلال على أخيه امرأةً بني حسل من قريش، وقال: ( نحن مَن قد عرفتم، كنا عبدين فأعتقنا الله، وكنا ضالين فهدانا الله، وفقيرين فأغنانا الله، وأنا أخطب على أخي خالد فلانة، فإن تُنكحوه فالحمد لله، وإن تردّوه فالله أكبر، فأقبل بعضهم على بعض فقالوا: هو بلال، وليس مثله يُدفع، فزوجوا أخاه. فلما انصرفنا، قال خالد لبلال: يغفر الله لك! ألا ذكرت سوابقنا ومشاهدنا مع رسول الله ! قال بلال مَهْ! صدقت فأنكحك الصدق ) [عيون الأخبار].
وصايا لزوج البنت
خطب عثمان بن عنبسة بن أبي سفيان إلى عتبة بن أبي سفيان ابنته، فأقعده على فخذه، وكان حدثاً فقال: ( أقرب قريب، خطب أحبّ حبيب، لا أستطيع له رداً، ولا أجد من إسعافه بُداً، وقد زوجتكما وأنت أعز عليّ منها، وهي ألصق بقلبي منك، فأكرمها يعذُب على لساني ذكرك، ولا تُهنها فيصغر عندي قدرك، وقد قرّبتك مع قربك، فلا تبعد قلبي من قلبك ) [العقد الفريد].
استخيروا الله وردوا خيراً
كان الحسن البصري يقول في خطب النكاح بعد حمد الله والثناء عليه: ( أما بعد، فإن الله جمع بهذا النكاح الأرحام المنقطعة، والأسباب المتفرقة، وجعل ذلك في سنة من دينه، ومنهاج واضح من أمره، وقد خطب إليكم فلان وعليه من الله نعمة، وهو يبذل من الصّداق كذا، فاستخيروا الله وردّوا خيراً يرحمكم الله ) [عيون الأخبار].
هاتوا نثاركم
وجدت أبو عثمان فقال: ( مررت بحاضر وقد اجتمع فيه، فسألت بعضهم: ما جمعهم؟ فقالوا: هذا سيّد الحيّ يريد أن يتزوج منا فتاة، فوقفت أنظر، فتكلم الشيخ فقال: الحمد لله، وصلى الله على رسول الله، أما بعد ذلك، ففي غير ملالة من ذكره والصلاة على رسوله، فإن الله جعل المناكحة التي رضيها فعلاً وأنزلها وحياً سبباً للمناسبة، وإن فلاناً ذكر فلانه وبذل من الصداق كذا، وقد زوجته إياها، وأوصيته بوصية الله لها، ثم قال للفتيان على رأسه: هاتوا نثاركم، فقلبت على رءوسنا غرائز التمر ) [عيون الأخبار].
هاتوا خبيصكم
وقال شبة بن عقال: ( ما تمنيت أن لي بقليل من كلامي كثيراً من كلام غيري إلا يوماً واحداً، فإنا خرجنا مع صاحب لنا نريد أن نزوّجه، فمررنا بأعرابي فأتبعنا، فتكلم متكلم القوم فجاء بخطبة فيها ذكر السموات والأرض والجبال، فلما فرغ قلنا: من يجيبه؟ قال الأعرابي: أنا، فجئنا لركبته، ثم أقبل على القوم فقال: والله ما أدري ما تحتاطك وتلصاقك منذ اليوم! ثم قال: الحمد لله رب العالمين وصلى الله على محمد خير المرسلين، أما بعد، فقد توسلت بحرمة، وذكرت حقاً، وعظمت عظيماً، فحبلك موصول، وفرضك مقبول، وقد زوّجناها إياك، وسلمناها لك، هاتوا خبيصكم ) [عيون الأخبار].
فمن رغب عن سنتي فليس مني
وفي الحديث الصحيح عن أنس بن مالك قال: جاء ثلاثة رهط إلى بيوت أزواج النبي يسألون عن عبادة النبي ، فلما أخبروا، كأنهم تقالوها، فقالوا: وأين نحن من النبي ؟ فقد غفر الله له ما تقدم من ذنبه وما تأخر. قال أحدهم، أما أنا، فإني أصلي الليل أبداً، وقال آخر: أنا أصوم الدهر ولا أفطر، وقال آخر: أنا أعتزل النساء فلا أتزوج أبداً، فجاء رسول الله فقال: { أنتم الذين قلتم كذا وكذا؟ أما والله، إني لأخشاكم لله، وأتقاكم له، لكني أصوم وأفطر، وأصلي وأرقد، وأتزوج النساء، فمن رغب عن سنتي فليس مني } [البخاري ومسلم].
وروي في الخبر أن رجلاً من بني إسرائيل قال: لا أتزوج حتى أشاور مع مائة إنسان، فشاور مع تسعة وتسعين وبقي واحد، فعزم أن أول من لقيه غداً يشاور ويعمل برأيه، فلما أصبح وخرج من منزله لقي مجنوناً ركاباً قصبة فاغتمّ لذلك ولم يجد بدّاً من الخروج من عهده فتقدم إليه، فقال له المجنون: احذر فرسي كي لا تضربك، فقال له الرجل: احبس فرسك حتى أسألك عن شيء، فأوقفه، فقال: إني قد عاهدت الله تعإلى أن أستثير أول من يستقبلني وأنت أول من استقبلني، فإني أريد أن أتزوج؟ فقال له المجنون: النساء ثلاثة: واحدة لك، وواحدة عليك، وواحدة عليك أو لك، ثم قال: احذر الفرس كي لا تضربك ومضى، فقال الرجل: إني لم أسأله عن تفسيره فلحقه فقال: يا هذا، احبس فرسك، فحبسه، فدنا منه وقال: فسّره لي، فإني لم أفهم مقالتك، فقال: أما التي لك فهي المرأة البكر، فقلبها وحبها لك ولا تعرف أحداً غيرك، وأما التي عليك فالمتزوجة ذات ولد تأكل مالك وتبكي على الزوج الأول، وأما التي لك أو عليك فالمتزوجة التي لا ولد لها، فإن كنت خيراً لها من الأول فهي لك وإلا فعليك، ثم مضى فلحقه الرجل، فقال له: ويحك تكلمت بكلام الحكماء وعملت عمل المجانين؟ فقال: يا هذا، إن بني إسرائيل أرادوا أن يجعلوني قاضياً فأبيت، فألحوا عليّ، فجعلت نفسي مجنوناً حتى نجوت منهم. [بستان العارفين].
قال أبو عمرو بن العلاء: ( قال رجل: لا أتزوج امرأة حتى أنظر إلى ولدي منها، قيل له: كيف ذاك؟ قال أنظر إلى أبيها وأمها، فإنها تجرّ بأحدهما ) [عيون الأخبار].
وقال الأصمعي وذكر النساء: ( بنات العم أصبر، والغرائب أنجب، وما ضرب رؤوس الأبطال كابن الأعجمية ) [العقد الفريد].
وقال عبدالملك بن مروان: ( من أراد أن يتخذ جارية للمتعة فليتخذها بربرية، ومن أراد أن يتخذها للولد فليتخذها فارسية، من أراد أن يتخذها للخدمة فليتخذها رومية ).
اللهم هب لنا من أزواجنا وذرياتنا قرة أعين، واجعلنا للمتقين إماماً.
وصلى الله وسلم على نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه وسلم.
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Recommend Message 19 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/20/2005 2:30 PM
The Author's Introduction
All praise is due to Allah, the One who said in the clear verses of His Book:
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put
love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are Signs for those
who reflect".[al-Room 30:21]
وَمِنْ آَيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآَيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
May the prayers and peace of Allah be upon His Prophet Muhammad, the one who said in an authenticated hadith : "Marry the loving and fertile, for I will compete with the other Prophets with the number of my followers on the Day of Qiyama". [Ahmad and at-Tabaarani with hasan isnaad. And declared saheeh from Anas by Ibn Hibbaan. And it has witnesses which will be mentioned in Question 19]
After this opening: There are in Islam, certain etiquettes upon anyone who marries and wishes to consummate his marriage with his wife. Most Muslims today, even those who exert themselves in Islamic worship, have either neglected or become totally ignorant of these Islamic etiquettes. Therefore, I decided to write this beneficial treatise clearly explaining these issues on the occasion of marriage of someone dear to me. I hope that it will be an aid to him and to other believing brothers in carrying out what the Chief of the Messengers has ordained on the authority of the Lord of the Worlds. I have followed that by pointing out certain issues important to every one who marries, and with which many wives in particular have been tested.
I ask Allah Most High to bring about some benefit from this treatise, and to accept this work solely for His glorious countenance. Surely, He is the Righteous, the Merciful.
It should be known that there are many etiquettes in the area of marriage. All that I am concerned with here in this quickly compiled work is that which is authenticated of the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, that which is irreproachable from the standpoint of its chain of narration and upon which no doubt can be cast in terms of its constructions and meanings. In this way, whoever reads and follows this information will be on a clearly established basis in religion, and will have full confidence in the source and validity of his acitons. I hope for him that Allaah will put the final seal of felicity on his life, in reward for beginning his married life with the following of the sunnah, and to make for him among His slaves whose statement He has described in the Qur'an saying:
And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring
who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace)
to lead the righteous."
[al-Furqaan 25:74]
وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
The final disposition of things is for those of pious practise, as the Lord of the Worlds said:
As to the Righteous, they shall be amidst (cool) shades
and springs (of water). And (they shall have) fruits, - all
they desire. "Eat ye and drink ye to your heart's content:
for that ye worked (righteousness)." Thus do We
certainly reward the Doers of Good.
[al-Mursalaat 77:41-44]
إِنَّ الْمُتَّقِينَ فِي ظِلَالٍ وَعُيُونٍ (41) وَفَوَاكِهَ مِمَّا يَشْتَهُونَ (42) كُلُوا وَاشْرَبُوا هَنِيئًا بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ (43) إِنَّا كَذَلِكَ نَجْزِي الْمُحْسِنِينَ (44)
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Recommend Message 20 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/20/2005 2:33 PM
Bathing before Sleeping is Perferable
Bathing however, is perferable to any of the above-mentioned possibilities as is clear in the hadith of `Abullaah ibn Qais who said: "I asked 'Ai'ishah : "What did the Prophet (SW) do when in a state of janaba? Did he bathe before sleeping or sleep before bathing?" She answered: "He did all of those things. Sometimes he bathe and then slept. And sometimes he performed wudhuu' and then slept." I said: "Praise be to Allah who made things flexible."[Muslim, Ahmad and Abu `Auwaana].
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Recommend Message 21 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/20/2005 2:35 PM
The Prohibition of sex when She is Menstruating
It is forbidden for a Muslim man to have sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating. This is clear in the following verse of the Qur'an:
"They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: They
are a hurt and a pollution: So keep away from women in
their courses, and do not approach them until they are
clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may
approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for
you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him
constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure
and clean." [Al-Baqarah, 2:222]
وَيَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الْمَحِيضِ قُلْ هُوَ أَذًى فَاعْتَزِلُوا النِّسَاءَ فِي الْمَحِيضِ وَلَا تَقْرَبُوهُنَّ حَتَّى يَطْهُرْنَ فَإِذَا تَطَهَّرْنَ فَأْتُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ أَمَرَكُمُ اللَّهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ التَّوَّابِينَ وَيُحِبُّ الْمُتَطَهِّرِينَ
There are also hadith about this, among them:
First: "Whoever has sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman, or a woman in her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is told has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad."
Second: On the authority of Anas ibn Malik, who said: "When one of their women has their period, the Jews used to put her out of the house, and they would not eat, drink, or sleep with her in the house. The Prophet was asked about this, and Allaah revealed the verse:
"They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: They are a
hurt and a pollution: so keep away from women in their courses, ...
Then the Prophet said: "Be with them in the house, and do everything except for intercourse itself." The Jews said: "This man wants to leave nothing which we do without doing something different." Then, Asyad ibn Hudair said: "O Messenger of Allah, verily the Jews says such-and-such, shoudl we not then have sexual intercourse during menstruation?" The Prophet's face changed such that they thought that he was enraged with them, so they left. As they were coming out, they saw a gift of milk being brought to the Prophet. The Prophet then sent someone after them to give them a drink of milk, so they felt that he was not actually angry with them." [Muslim, Abu 'Auwaana and Abu Daawood].
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Recommend Message 22 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/20/2005 2:38 PM
The Penitence of One who Has Sex during Menses
Whoever is overcome by desire and has sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating and before she becomes clean must give the value of one dinar's weight of gold or about 4.25 grams (4.2315 to be more precise), or half that amount. This is based on a hadith narrated by 'Abdullaah ibn 'Abbaas from the Prophet in relation to one who enters his wife while she is on her period as follows: "Let him give one dinar in charity, or one half dinar." [At-Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood, At-Tabaraani and others: Saheeh].
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Recommend Message 23 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/20/2005 2:40 PM
What is Permissible when She is on her Periods
It is allowed for him to enjoy pleasure with his wife in any way except for her private parts when she is on her period. There are several hadiths about this:
First: "and do everything except intercourse itself." [Muslim, Abu 'Auwaana and Aboo Daawood]
Second: On the authority of 'Aa'ishah who said: "When we were on our periods, the Prophet SW used to order us to put on a waist cloth that her husband can then lie with her." One time she said: "... her husband can then fondle and caress her." [al-Bukhaaree, Muslims and others].
Third: On the authority of one of the wives of the Prophet SW who said: "When the Prophet wanted something from one of his wives who was on her period, he put a cloth over her private parts, and then did whatever he wanted." [Abo Daawood: Saheeh]
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Recommend Message 24 of 24 in Discussion
From: basyb Sent: 4/20/2005 2:46 PM
When is it Allowed to resume Sexual Activity after Menses?
When she becomes clean of any menstrual blood, and the flow stops completely, it is allowed for them to resume sexual activity after she washes the place where the blood had been, or performs wudhuu', or takes a complete bath. Whichever of these three alternatives she does makes it allowed for them to resume sexual activity, based on Allaah's statement in the Qur'an:
"But when they have purified themselves, ye may
approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you
by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him
constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean."
[Al-Baqarah 2:222]
فَإِذَا تَطَهَّرْنَ فَأْتُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ أَمَرَكُمُ اللَّهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ التَّوَّابِينَ وَيُحِبُّ الْمُتَطَهِّرِينَ
This is the position of Ibn Hazm, 'Ataa, Qatadah, al-Awzaa'ee and Daawud az-Zaahiree and of Mujaahid: as Ibn Hazm says: "All three of these are a purification - so whichever of them she uses after the cessation of her periods, then she is lawful for her husband."
The same term is used to mean washing the private parts in the Aayah revealed concerning the people of Qubaa:
"In it are men who love to be purified; and Allah loves
those who make themselves pure." [at-Tawbah 9:108]
لَا تَقُمْ فِيهِ أَبَدًا لَمَسْجِدٌ أُسِّسَ عَلَى التَّقْوَى مِنْ أَوَّلِ يَوْمٍ أَحَقُّ أَنْ تَقُومَ فِيهِ فِيهِ رِجَالٌ يُحِبُّونَ أَنْ يَتَطَهَّرُوا وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُطَّهِّرِينَ
There is nothing here in the Aayah however, or in the Sunnah, to restrict the Aayah in question to any of the three meanings - and to do so requires a further proof.